Decode
by MissHQuinn
Summary: This is the journal of Harleen Quinzel Why are we afraid of love? This will be a love triangle between Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn, Professor Crane/Scarecrow, and The Joker. **I do not own any of the batman characters ** My first fan fiction.
1. Decode

**Decode**

This journal belongs to

**The future Dr. Harleen Frances Quinzel**

If lost please return to

**Gotham City University**

First day of classes are over, thank heavens. A lot harder then high school, but it will be worth all the effort. I plan on becoming a world renowned psychiatrist. My dream is to one day land the job every young psychiatrist dreams of, working at Arkham Asylum. I heard stories of Arkham Asylum most of my life. Even living in Brooklyn I still knew of Arkham. As a child Arkham always fascinated me and I guess some fasciations never go away, they just grow and blossom more with age.

Maybe one day someone will write a book about my break troughs with the patients at Arkham. Just like Professor Crane, his specialty is fear. I hear he does some side work at Arkham, but I'm not sure what. He is my favorite professor it does help that he is very handsome. There is something that attracts me to him. Professor Crane is in his mid to late 30's you would think he was older, but he has seen more than his fare share of pain and working at Arkham it would ware on you, even though working with a bunch of college kids can't be any better. He sometimes says we are worse than the patients at Arkham. He dresses in well fitting suits, warm colors that bring out his beautiful icy blue eyes, which are hidden by his slightly crooked thin rectangular glasses. He has a very smooth voice. His class will be the easiest one to pay attention in, hanging on his every word.

Goodness I'm about as bad as the girls from Indiana Jones pretty soon I will have I love you on my eyelids. My other classes where pretty boring. Gymnastics was awesome as always. Getting back into the routine shouldn't be too hard, but I need to work on my layout I can't seem to get my legs straight enough. That just means more practice and escape from all these damn papers… I really hope I don't get that freshman fifteen that everyone complains about. I should get started on these papers. Hopefully Professor Crane likes my paper on the deference on irrational and rational phobias.

Second day wasn't much better. Damn teacher wants us to look back on our childhood and see if we can sight diagnose our family with any mental disorders. Ugh! I really wanted to leave that all back in Brooklyn, but does our past ever stay hidden? I guess not, but one can hope.

Mom calling today just makes matters worse. Dad I guess went gallivanting off with some young little thing….again… I can't even begin to count how many times he left when I was growing up. Hayden, my brother is having his second child with some stripper named Candy-Lane that he was cheating on Madison (his current girlfriend) with.

Mom will end up taking dad back; mom always took dad back though you would have thought she would learn after the ohhh I don't know the 20th time. Dad's mo was to find these young women charm 'em, which I am sure meant he would fuck 'em, then would sweet talk 'em, and steal their money and come running back home. Mom was always to forgiving when it came to dad and my dead beat brother. She was always harder on me I guess 'cause I was the girl and the only hope the family had to get out of the hell hole dad had dug for us into because of his gambling problem.

Hayden got his horrible girlfriend Madison pregnant his junior year of high school, which was her sophomore year. Such a pity Hayden had a bright future he was the captain and star quarterback for our high school. He could have played for the New York Giants. His favorite team, but instead had to drop out to get a job but that didn't last very long. He went to work bought the bare minimum diapers, formula, and wipes for his son Mitch. Then good old Hayden would spend the rest on alcohol and some drugs.

So maybe this is helping. I have figured out my brother has alcohol dependence, alcohol abuse, psychological dependence, and substance dependence. Dad is a whole other story let's see substance dependence, pathological gambling, psychological dependence, neglect, and bipolar disorder. Mom now she had her head screwed on pretty well, but she would be listed under minor depressive disorder and obsessive–compulsive disorder and codependent disorder.

I guess other kids have it worse. I still don't understand dad's reasoning for always running away… mom always said he was doing it to give us a better life but we still lived in a little two bedroom apartment. I remember when Hayden and Madison came to mom with the news that she was two months pregnant… as soon as the words came out mom didn't know what to say I think, that was the first time that she was left speechless. That night I went to gymnastics so I could work on the rings and practice for our meet the following week. Ms. Kay was there and she was proud of how far I had come in using the ring. She was a great coach.

When I got home that night all my clothes, books, and trophies where in the living room piled in a corner. I was pissed. I guess mom said Madison could move in with us since her parents disowned her. It's actually quite sad that her parents just kicked her out. Maybe what Professor Crane says is true "Fear drives everything, your life is governed by fear. Every decision you make is a product of that fear." I guess her parents were afraid. Once Mitch was born Madison would disappear for five out of the seven days of the week, she was nowhere to be found. I feel bad for my nephew.

I should look into getting guardianship of him and my soon to be new nephew once I'm done with school. Professor Crane and I can raise them together; Mitch and the new baby, they would both be little geniuses! We could raise a cute little family. Come on Harleen get it together girl. You don't know anything about Professor Crane it's only been two classes and you are acting like a silly little school girl…. You're just another stupid little college girl with a crush GET OVER YOUR SELF!


	2. Crushcrushcrush

The third day of classes was a bit monotonous. Professor Crane's class was the only interesting one, but honestly when would his class ever really be dull? He talked more on fear and how it plays a part in every choice we make. I really love listing to him talk. The passion in his voice is entrancing. The fact that there is that much passion in him is just amazing and also a bit scary in its self. He spoke with the kindness and sweetness that a teacher should have, but then something about him changed when fear was brought up. His voice kept the passion in his tone, but then it got a bit stronger and harsher then I think he wanted. There was almost a change in his face, a look of twisted amusement. Hmm, I wonder did anyone else notice his change? It was frightening, but something oddly attracted me more to him.

I guess the pattern will never change with me. I always seem to go after the wrong sort of guys. I had a few boyfriends growing up they seemed like good enough boys, but then they would change completely. Like Andy who was my first boyfriend he seemed like a very respectable boy. Come to find out he was nowhere near respectable. Our first few dates where great the second date he gave me a kiss in which I returned. M very first kiss. I was so happy and excited. When I got up to the apartment we were living in at the time my dad was back home and drunk he decide he would knock me down a few pegs.

My hair was a little ruffled from the wind and from Andy's hands in my hair as he kissed me. Dad's first words to me when I came in the kitchen were asking me if I charged the boy….my father thought I was no better than a prostitute. I didn't understand his reasoning but I guess since that is all the girls in my high school had a reputation for he would think the same of his daughter, but shouldn't a father believe the best in his kid? I know fuckn' Hayden never did set a good example in anything, but I never stepped out of line unless I was in danger.

On the forth date Andy took me to this great little spot under the Brooklyn bridge he had a picnic set up for us, but something was off about the way he was holding himself and the way he was acting. In all the psychology books I had read taught me to be on guard and pick up on character traits. After dinner Andy started kissing me which lead to a long make-out session as things got heated I told him to stop. He evidently didn't understand the word at the time and just kept trying to rip my shirt off of me. When he didn't stop at my screaming pleas for him to quiet, I pulled a knife that I had hidden under the blanket when I noticed his uncommon behavior and held it up to his neck. Boy did that get his attention; he removed himself from on top of me and a look of pure fear came on to his face. I stood above him with the knife. He started to stutter "w-w-whatttt are you doing? I-I-I- f-fu- fucking paid for you." I asked him "Who the hell did you pay?" With his eyes never leaving the knife that was now closing in on his throat again, Andy stuttered eyes starting to blink with tears of pure fear and regret between sniffles and sobs he managed to choke out two little words "Y-y-your Fa-Father….." I was sent over the edge with rage at Andy and my good for nothing asshole of a dead beat father, and the horrible hell I was stuck in for three more years. I took the knife and I stabbed once very close to his ball sack deep enough to make sure there would be a scar so he would always have a reminder not to try and hurt women or anyone for that matter. One day he would have to explain that scar and relive that fear. The fear of me standing over him with all the power. I left the knife in place and punched him in his face hard enough to break his nose add few more punches for good measure. I then left him in a bleeding, bloody mess and went home.

I was going to confront my father and I still had anger built up and was ready for him, but instead I came home to mom crying over a note that had been wrinkled over and over and was now tear stained. I grabbed the note from mom she cried out no. but I was far to gone even more anger and hatred filled my blood as I read the note "Dear Maggie, I'm very sorry to do this but I must leave. My heart has found its true love. I won't be able to live without her. So I must follow my heart. Good luck with the kids and grand babies. Don't try and find me any of you, I don't want to be found. –Leo" my hear pounded in my chest, my breath was quick, I wanted his blood, I needed to take my own fear away and the only way was to hold his heart in my hands. Rip it from his FUCKING chest like he had done to my mother so many times over the years.

I looked at my mother she was a crying mess. I had to get away. I quickly changed out of my bloody clothes and got ready to go to my sanctuary, my safe place, the gym to clear my head. That was the night I finally got the rings right. After a few hours I went back home to an empty house.

But none of that matters now I can't live in that past.

Today at least ended on a good note. Coach Gates told us our first gymnastic meet is in a month. So I have time to work on my layout and routine. I just adore Coach Gates she has been very helpful when I'm in the gym. She sees a lot of potential in me, that hopefully I can work hard and one day maybe even get the chance to be on the American Olympic team. "Now up for the American gymnastic team Dr. Harleen Quinzel….. Dr. Harleen Crane now that has a very nice ring to it."

The fourth day was exciting we got a little deeper into our studies and got to practice a few basic techniques on a few classmates. Just trying to get people to relax and open up. Of course Professor Crane needed a volunteer he asked a few people who just laughed at him and looked the opposite way ignoring him. I just stared at him the glorious handsome man that would one day be my husband. Not even noticing that the girl behind me was watching me. She smirked when she noticed my gaze was on Professor Crane. With an evil sort of venom and mocking in her words "Professor I'm sure bubble brains would love to volunteer, I am pretty sure she in _hungry _for you to call on her. I bet she would be the only one to ever say yes to you."

The class all stared at me and laughed as my face turned as red as my shirt I had on. Professor Crane got order back in the class looked right in to my bright sky blue eyes with his soft grey blue eyes that pierced my very soul causing my heart to jump and to keep beating at an unhealthy speed. In his softy enticingly rugged he spoke to me _"Miss. Quinzel would you be kind enough help me display the proper way to conduct this exercise?" _

**How could I refuse him?** I just couldn't just couldn't.

His eyes had a hold on my very soul, my very core of my being which he could have unraveled me in a moment he wanted to. but instead he was kind and his eyes were soft, warm, and gentle. giving me the feeling of safety that I hadn't felt since I was five. Which was the first time my father left and my world got crushed causing Hayden and I to grow up quickly. I quickly followed him to the front of the class room and sat in the chair he pointed me to. He grabbed his chair from his desk along with a pen and paper. He then sat close enough that I could smell the faint scent of his cologne which had a lighter sweet, woody, berry musk scent which lingered in my nose the whole time almost lulling me into a sweet kind of bliss. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks as my thoughts began to drift off to a very naughty and personal place in my mind.

Professor Crane started by asking me to tell him a bit about myself. He begins to write as I was talking when I mention I was from Brooklyn he started asking more questions about my life. Which I really wish he would move on from my past. None of the kids could understand what it was like to come from a place of pure hell that almost destroyed my very being. Professor finally asked me to talk more about gymnastics. He then explained to the class that you have to find out a little information about your patient and watch their features as they talk about thing. Since I was the "patient" he could tell that gymnastics was something I enjoyed and it was a safe place. During the first few sessions you have to learn little things like what they enjoy and what is hard for them to talk about like me living in Brooklyn. He could tell that something traumatizing had occurred, so he didn't push me. He then let everyone try as he paired everyone up, but there was an odd number as luck would have it(if there is such a thing) he paired up with me.

I got to find out more things about the man I desired like he was born and raised in Gotham. He was born out of wedlock and raised by his fanatically religious great-grandmother after his mom left, because she could never love the things that caused the love of her life to leave. You could tell this was his past and he accepted it and knew that his past was what made him become the great man he is today. As we were talking he kept bring up different books. Following his example I asked him about books, his favorite to read when he was a kid was _The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. _He regarded the story's main character, Ichabod Crane, as his personal hero, particularly, the man's skill at dancing. That led to finding out professor Crane could dance. Oh the visions of us dancing on our wedding day!

Sadly before I could ask any more questions class was over. I went to grab my books and put them away as everyone else ran out of the class room. Professor Crane walked over smiling at me. **OHH MYY GOOODDD HE TALKED TO ME!** My thoughts were racing, my old insecurities kicking in. I then thought oh no, I did something wrong he was going to tell me I should just give up. To my relief that was not the case instead he wanted to talk to me about my phobia paper. _"Miss Quinzel you got an A on your paper. Since that no one else seemed to understand the subject of phobias, I felt you were the only one deserving of an A."_ He then continued to tell me _"If you stick with all your classes and keep a 4.0 G.P.A. for the rest of the year, I'd write a letter of recommendation for you to get an internship at Arkham Asylum. When the time comes of course Ms. Quinzel and _maybe until then you can assist me next semester for extra credit even though you won't need the extra credit..._" _

_**WOW**_! He has a lot of faith that I will do a great job and be top of the class. He already sees potential in the paper I wrote and he would like to sit down and discuss my career path. He also wants talk about how he can help to challenge me so I can be pushed to my limits so I can reach higher to grasp my dream. Finally someone understands me and wants to help me expand my intelligence.

Gymnastics was as always very fun and fulfilling. We learnt part of the routine for the meet next month and I am damn determined to win. I will prove myself that I was deserving of my scholarship. My layout is turning out better each time getting my legs straight. I'm about an inch away from perfect. Coach Gates says with the determination I have I will soon be the best gymnast at G.S.U. since her. That would be quite an accomplishment since she was the first and only one to go to the Olympics.

Me Harleen Quinzel in love with a Professor and Olympic gymnast…..Sigh my life will be perfect.

On the last day of class for the week we had to bring in articles about different crimes that where in the paper that week. We then had to read them and try to diagnose the criminals. That was quite harder then what we all thought. The criminals in Gotham where different than any other city. They all had silly little names like The Riddler, The Penguin, and The Ventriloquist. The name I read today was different. He had never been in the paper before he was called The Joker. The Article was about Batman, yeah Gotham had its very own superhero. It talked about how Batman and the Gotham P.D. could still not locate The Joker. The article went on to urge people to stay in their homes at night, only go out during the day, and make sure when they went to sleep at night doors and windows were locked up tight. The Joker was armed and dangerous. He had no problem killing anyone for any reason. He had become the most dangerous criminal that Gotham had seen in years.

Since batman came into the picture more criminals where put in jail or Arkham, so most of them stayed hidden. Now with The Joker on the loose you could tell Batman was worried that all his work would be for nothing and that it would cause the crime rate to go back up in Gotham. Professor Crane was very interested in what made The Joker is so dangerous._ "We know nothing about the man or his crime yet we are all fearful of the ideas that fear causes us to believe he can do to us, the harm that he is capable of, but there is no fact that he is as evil as they say? This is what The Joker wants pure chaos." _Professor Crane was right fear was giving The Joker just what he wanted chaos.

Right before class ended we had some of Gotham P.D. come in and hand out new guidelines till The Joker was caught. We couldn't be out past midnight, if we went out it had to be a group of 3 or more, and we had to lock all our windows at night, and make sure we had a weapon of our choice at the ready. It was going to be a long and very rough school year till they found The Joker.

Walking back to my dorm room after classes were over. I ended up walking right into this red headed girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs out at people about littering and not taking care of the beautiful world. That was until I knocked her down. Standing quickly I leaned down to make sure she was okay and to help her up. When she was up she introduced herself as Pamela Isley. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, but also the weirdest. I asked her what she was doing just standing in the middle of the path way. Her reply was a very long and hippy sounding about how the earth needed respect and love. She was defiantly an odd one, but she was the first person to talk to me like I was an equal and not just some basket case that the school took pity on. We exchanged facebooks and I headed on my way back to my dorm. Which has lead me to this point of being a nerd spending my Friday night writing in my journal, eating dinner alone, and curling up with a good book. I guess I should go check my windows and make sure nothing is open…. There is a strange but familiar figure outside my dorm it looks almost like….Professor Crane but it can't be…Why would he be checking on me? I'm nothing but another student to him, right?


	3. Dirty Work

It was Professor Crane that was outside last night. I can never fight my curiosity, it always seems to get the best of me. So I decided to walk outside and find out if the figure really was the man of my deepest desires. Finally it was Professor Crane who was handsome as ever, still in his suit from class that day. He was just leaning on the tree. He jumped when he heard my voice. I had caught him off guard. I have to say he is very adorable when he is frazzled.

After composing himself he begin to speak in that voice that was deep and sweet trying to hide the embarrassment from getting caught. _"Ms. Quinzel what are you doing out of your room? It's just after midnight you are not suppose to be out."_ I replied in the sweetest and most seductive voice I could manage. "Well Professor Crane, I seen someone out here and well my curiosity got the best of me, it usually does. Now could you please tell me why are you outside my dorm room?" Poking him in the chest as said the last part. My touch and nearness caused him to blush and become nervous in his reply. _"Ms. Quinzel_ _I was worried I know that some of the dorm rooms have very terrible windows. I just wanted to come up and make sure none of your windows were jammed and would not close. Also,_ _I wanted to make sure you were as safe as possible. Would you_ mind if I came up to your room to have a look around my dear?" I lost all train of thought…. **He called me dear…Sigh…I could be in heaven…** "Of course Professor, right this way." My racing heartbeat never slowed it kept a perpetual quick speed all the way to my dorm room.

We got to my dorm room faster then I liked. My Professor Crane was so close I could smell his cologne and I wanted to bask in that sweet smell for as long as I could. **What a heavenly smell. Yup I was definitely in heaven… **I let him enter the room first. It was very tiny so it did not take him long to check the windows. He begun by checking the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and lastly my bedroom. **Oh he was in my bedroom!...The possibilities that could happen.. ;)**

He came out of my room looked at me then to my dismay he said everything was locked up and headed towards my door. Before he could turn the knob I finally found my voice again. I offered him something to drink. He gladly accepted. (I don't think he was ready to leave and he blushed he was a bit nervous and embarrassed.) **Sigh…He was even more handsome with redness on his cheek. Could he be any more perfect…..** Luckily I had some tea. He loves his tea.

We sat on the couch for hours talking. **God I could have listened to him all night..** He was so close but I needed him closer to me…. **What the fuck is wrong with you Harleen... Ugh you really need to get your head clear….** I wanted to kiss him. Feel the warmth of his lips on mine. His fingers in my hair and his skin on my skin. Professor Crane was still talking and said my name which brought my focus back to the conversation at hand. I had to ask him to repeat the question that he had asked. When he asked the question it was a shock, coming from my Professor Cranes mouth it seemed so unreal. _"Ms. Quinzel? My dear isn't the room a bit hot to have on a sweater? You will be burning up you should go slip on a t-shirt." _**What…was this really My Professor? **

I agree the room was quite warm. I had still not changed out of my clothes from class. I got up to head to my bathroom my night clothes were on my desk not very far away from my destination. When he stunned me even more, in his sultry and mesmerizing voice he began to speak _"Why my dear you do not need to run off we are both adults go ahead and change right here." _I looked at him in astonishment and wide eyed. I had never been exposed in front of a man before. He was so handsome though sitting on my couch. If you love someone shouldn't you do what makes them happy? So I obliged my Professor Crane, nervously and with all the sexiness I could manage I began to take my sweater off. I was so fixed on making sure I didn't make more of a fool of myself, I didn't notice that Professor Crane had moved behind me. He slowly slid his arms around my curvy waist. Which caused me to jump and giggle my high pitched nervous laugh. He pulled me even closer then left one hand around my waist holding me to him with his other arm he began to slither it up my body leisurely gliding over my breasts, then my neck, and finally up my arm to finish removing my sweater letting it fall to the floor. _"Your jeans will have to go too . We can't have you getting __**over heated**__ quiet yet.."_ Professor then twisted me around to face him placing both his arms around my waist. He looked me directly in the eyes and spoke _"My dear _Harleen_ tonight you can call me Jon. Now you seem panicky there is no reason to have any fear. You know you want this as much as I do. I have seen the lust in your eyes my dear. Give into the fear it is more fun to step into the unknown." _As he spoke he must have undid my pants and slipped them down my legs because when he had finished speaking I was in nothing more than my red and black bra and panties. **Good job Harleen picking the cute set for last night! **

After I stepped out of my pants he then unhurriedly traced his right hand up to my bra claps and unhooked it. My giggling continued most of the time till he pulled me into a kiss that was like nothing I had ever experienced. So many emotions coursed through my body in those few seconds. I knew I wanted this man more than anything in the world right at this moment. Never breaking the kiss he slipped the bra down my arms leaving me more than half naked before him. I found my nerve and began to gradually unbutton and remove his jacket. My fumbling and nervous giggling must have annoyed him because he pointed and told me sit. I of course listened to him. He removed his tie and dress shirt at a steadier pace then I could have. He finished removing his pant till he was standing the in nothing more than his black tight fitting boxer briefs. **Damn did MY Professor look mouth-watering… **

I gained a bit of courage and stood up to kiss this breath taking man. I have never seen such a perfect mold of what a man should look like. He was not muscular in his chest, but he had arms on him that could melt women's clothes off. **Literally haha**… His hands that had explored my body where rough yet so soft. (He must have done quite a bit of hard work when he was younger.)When I kissed him I ran my hands through his soft hair He smelled even more intoxicating this close to me. I wanted to touch and kiss every part of his body and I did just that. I had no idea what to do I just followed my instincts. Glided my lips off of his and slid them to the side of his mouth kissing his jaw line to the soft part right under his ear kissing and sucking down his neck allowing my lips to gently make their way to his adam's apple kissing and nibbling. He responded with some animal like noise as I moved down to his collar bone kissing and biting him harder. I continued a trail of kisses and bites down his chest I had to bend down slowly landing on my knees as I was greeted with the top of his boxers and very well endowed and erect Professor Crane.

He let out a snarl. **Guess I shouldn't have stopped? **I began to trace my tongue along his underwear line. I guess he had had enough because he pulled me up by both my arms and all he said was "_BEDROOM_ NOW!" Hopefully I hadn't done anything wrong I hope he would forgive me with it being my first time and all. I lead him to my room the bed sheets where black and red and I had just changed 'em hours before he came into my dorm. He pushed me down on my bed and crawled on top of me like a man would if getting on a bike. I was in a sort of heavenly bliss…

He then began to kiss and nip my neck leading his smooth lips to my breast. He played special attention to my hard erect nipple his tongue swirling around them making me moan in ecstasy. His hand pulled at my blond hair, exposing my neck to him more, his teeth were branding me, making me his as he sucked the tender flesh. He pulled away from me quickly, his boxers hitting the ground. He snarled at me, "Oh my dear, you're soaking wet. You know what we have to do about that don't you?" He leaned down his handsome face a mix of animal and man, "I'm going to fuck you senseless."

Then he was on me, he was inside me, my walls stetching and tearing at the size of him. I screamed out as he pushed deeper inside me. He grinned down at me once he was all in, "Oh my dear, I can smell the fear on you." He thrust hard into me and then he would still his hips, watching my face, almost torturing me with every stroke. I could feel him getting harder inside me and I moaned out when he finally found a pace his hands gripped my breasts as he pounded into me. I screamed out when my body tensed and my walls clenched around him like a vice grip. He roared as his hot seed spilled inside me.

As we came down the junction between my legs ached, he had taken my virginity with the appetite of an animal and I loved it.

We lay there a hot sweaty mess, both of us panting hard. He was on top of me and I could feel him slipping slowly from my core. I felt him smile against my skin, placing one soft kiss there, "Good girl." He rolled over and pulled the blanket over us, his eyes were already heavy with sleep. Once his breathing evened out I curled next to him, snuggling into my own personal heaven for the night. **Maybe dreams really do come true…at least for one night.**

Well today sucked! Should have known from the moment I woke up Yesterday/last night was so perfect. Well almost…. I woke up the next morning to Professor Crane getting out MY bed. Which was amazing I never would have thought he would want me in such a way… but I guess he did… well when I awoke he said nothing to me even when I tried to talk to him. **What the hell? Did I do something wrong? **I mean I know I was a virgin. I was so new to everything….. Maybe I wasn't as good as he thought. He just left my room. I tried to follow him out to my living room where I watched him dress. **GOD why is he so PERFECT! **

After he dressed he cleaned up our late night tea. I kept trying to make conversation but he acted as if I was a ghost who he couldn't hear**. **Once he put the cups in the sink he walked out the door. No look back, no kiss good-bye, no acknowledgement of any kind. He left me to my thoughts and feelings of being alone and abandonment…**Story of my fucking life…How could he do that….He is my teacher….I could cause him to lose everything he has worked so hard for. Goddamn my selfishness…I guess I am not as smart as I thought….Fuck I have messed everything up. **

For one day in my life I was happy, I didn't have friends or people who cared…..Well that was a lie…I would give anything for someone to show me they care or even a best friend to call and ask for advice from or someone to bring me ice cream. **That is what girls do when they have broken hearts right? **Oh well, I had my own way to cope with a broken heart, gymnastics.

The only thing in my life to be there for me as a constant, my sanctuary, and my safe place was gymnastics. Thankfully the gym was empty. As I began my routine the tears stopped falling. The one place I felt invincible. No one or anything can touch me. I was free from the shit of the world. I was so lost in my safety; I didn't notice that Pamela had walked in. The only reason I noticed her was as I finished my routine and there was cheers and applauding from the doorway. I went to go talk to her. I guess she seen me walking to the gym with tears running down my face. **Could someone really care? **We talked for a good bit about her weekend. To my surprise she asked me if I wanted to go get some coffee. I didn't want to go but I did at the same time. Plus she did not take well to my refusal. **She is stubborn as hell!**

We both walked back up to my room and there was a note on my door. **Who the fuck is this from? ** Pamela just looked at me confused. I turned it over to read it. It was from Professor Crane. **What the fucking hell man! **_"My dear, I am sorry for my sudden rush off this morning. I had some unavoidable issues at Arkham to deal with. I apologize again. See you in class. –Your Professor Crane… P.S You really should hide your journal better. " _ **What was his problem? Why did he have to be so handsome and mysterious….. **

Pamela's mouth was hanging open. She looked as shocked as I felt. **This man is going to drive me into madness… **I was finally able to push her and myself into my dorm room. I ended up crumpling the paper to throw it away. Pamela was still in shock. She pulled the note out of the trash and kept looking it over, her eyes wide as ever. She was not judging me in any way. She just looked at me when I emerged from my room changed and ready to go get some coffee. She began to ask about the note but when she saw me start to cry, she came over and hugged me. Pamela steered me over to the couch. She held me as I cried. Soothing me and running her fingers in my hair trying to get me to calm down.

After what seemed like forever she looked at me and spoke words a friend would speak. "Honey it is no use to cry over a man, no matter how dreamy he is. He will never live up to what you believe him to be." She was a great person. I could tell we would be close friends for a long time. Knowing hardly anything about me and yet she showed me more affection than anyone had in my young life. She pulled me back into my room. "Change of plans. I am taking you to get plastered and forget about the asshole." **What? I have never done anything in my life like this. Tonight is going to be a disaster. **

She picked the shortest skirt and lowest cut top I had. Oh god I can't wear that out. **What the hell is she thinking… **I begged her to let me wear my favorite skinny jeans. Thankfully she agreed. Yet I still had to wear the low cut top. We both looked good. Even me with all the tears she did my makeup heavier than I ever would. Well I hardly ever wore make up so anything on the makeup side would be more than normal. After a last check in the mirror we left for the night.

The club she took me to seemed to be full of activity. There was a line out the door and wrapped around the block. Pamela pulled me to the very front. **Who the hell are we to be let in this club? **To my surprise Pamela leaned over and started whispering in the bouncer's ear. Oh goodness… She just gave me a big smile as the bouncer moved out of the way and pointed us into the club. What the hell did she say to him?

The night from that point started looking up. We didn't have to pay for any of our drinks. A group of young what seemed to be college football players kept sending drinks over. Finally one very good looking one came over to talk to us. One of his buddies was not too long to follow. Their names were Harvey Dent and Bruce Wayne. Harvey was the quarterback and Bruce was a linebacker. They were very well built. Harvey was taken with Pamela, he pulled her onto the dance floor and they were gone for what seemed like hours. Bruce and I talked the whole time. He was sweet and had a sense of smugness about him. He was a billionaire playboy everyone knew that about him. So I am not sure why he was talking to me. Girls kept coming up asking him to dance and he wouldn't give them the time of day. Finally he asked if I would like to dance. We met up with Harvey and Pamela, whose dancing should just have been moved to a bedroom… It did lift my mood to be out having fun. After all the dancing Bruce invited us to the VIP area. **HOLY HELL it was awesome!** Trying to keep Pamela and Harvey off each other long enough for us to eat was a pain in the ass.

Harvey leaned over and was talking to Bruce. I have a pretty good idea what was said because Pamela did the same asking if, she was to leave if I would be okay and could get back to my dorm alone. I would be fine I told her. Bruce offered to have his butler drive me back to my dorm. I have held my own for so long what was one more night? I agreed it would be better than trying not to fall over in these heels that Pamela insisted I wear. **NEVER LETTING HER DRESS ME AGAIN! **Pamela and Harvey left not too soon after. I was sitting and talking about what I was going to school for and Bruce was telling me about how he was going for multiple degrees. So many I can't remember or maybe it was the drinking.** Who knows? Hahaha…** Honestly when would he have the time partying, school, football, and some sorta volunteer work. He didn't seem to want to talk about that. He was an odd one. Nothing like what the tabloids made him out to be. I promised to go to one of his games. We talked about my love for gymnastics. He said he would love to come to the first meet of year. **Could I really be making friends? **It was around one in the morning. SHIT I had class in the morning. Bruce called Alfred his butler to come pick us up. He drove us to my dorm room. Bruce insisted he help me to my room and to check my windows. **What the fuck is with the men in this city!? **As we walked to my room I felt the same presence as the night before. Someone was watching us at a distance. Bruce must have felt eyes on him to, because he hurried his pace. After checking my windows he bid me a goodnight and hoped to see me around.

I fell into my bed thinking over my day. Even though it started out pretty shitty, but thanks to my friends I had the night of my life. I could get use this! The night was not dreamless. All I kept seeing was Professor Crane and a scarecrow. **Note to self don't ever drink again….. **


End file.
